Love and Leatherpants
by TheWyldeWynd
Summary: Within the Mountain, madness reigns. Will Hoykar get his man? Will Kureel survive the insanity? Will Oroleed ever make sense? And will poor Voll ever get laid? Find out, you know you want to.
1. Part: The first

Today was the day. He had thought about, planned on it, panicked over it, and finally he had come to the decision. Today, Hoykar was going to make Kureel fall in love with him.

Everything was set. He had spent half the morning getting ready and, if he dared say so himself, he looked amazing. His moon-gold hair had been washed and treated and brushed until it nearly glowed. Likewise had he labored over his skin, washing, and applying lotions and whatnot until it was luminescent. He had even dressed up for once, shedding his comfy loose-fitting earth toned clothing for and brightly colored tunic and the pièce de résistance… a pair of tight fitting black-leather pants. Personally, Hoykar found that he _hated_ the cursed things, so bloody tight and breathless… but Eresir swore by them, and while trusting Eresir wasn't usually a good idea, it was all he had. So thus garbed, he had set out to catch himself a Kureel.

Now he just had to find him.

Hoykar felt his left eye twitch a bit. His search was not going well, and he was fairly certain that the accursed pants were getting tighter. How that was possible he did not know, but he was sure of it. And people were staring. A lot.

But that was not important!

Steeling his resolve, and trying to ignore the way the cursed pants were migrating upwards, Hoykar continued his hunt for love.

* * *

"So yeah I don't know; maybe you _can_ just be whelmed."

Kureel stared at his companion for a moment, silently giving thanks that his two hour thesis on "the philosophy of whelming" had finally come to an end. "Really Oroleed. That's just… something."

"I know! It just came to me last night!"

"Oroleed have you suffered a resent head-injury by any chance?"

"What?"

"Nothing Oroleed. Nothing."

"But you just said _what in the name of Haken_?!"

Kureel blinked sharply, partially awakened by the sudden turn the conversation had taken, "I don't think that's what I said."

"What?" Oroleed's eyes flicked back to him in confusion. "Oh. No. Not you in the name of Haken, _that_ in the name of Haken."

…

"_What_?!"

Oroleed sighed and pointed behind him, "_That_ in the name of Haken, coming towards us!"

"…Oroleed are you drun-"

"Hel-lo there Kureel."

He growled at the interruption, "What is… Hoykar? …What in the name of Haken?"

"I told you."

Kureel stared, eyes bulging and mouth wide enough to swallow a rabbit whole. It seemed that the world had taken a turn for the extremely weird, for unless he had somehow gotten drunk without knowing it, a _leather-panted Hoykar_ was currently standing in front of him, with the oddest expression on his face.

Hoykar smiled, the expression looking a bit pained, "So here you are Kureel, I've been looking for you." He leaned close.

Kureel slid back in his chair, his personal-space need rising in him. "Oh really? …Um… Hoykar are you… feeling alright?"

The younger Chosen's eyes flickered for a second, an emotion not unlike frustration flitting through them. Then he straightened a bit, head tilting to one side and a finger rising to tap against the lower lip of his slightly open mouth. "Well I am a bit… hot." He was closer again.

"…Ah." He slid back some more. "Well you look a little red, maybe you're coming down with something. You should probably go lay down… or… something."

Hoykar blinked, that frustration-esque emotion flickering again. It disappeared quickly, replaced by a lowering of the eye-lids and even more closeness. "That's not a bad idea, would you like to… walk me back to my room."

"I… think you can probably make it back on your own. Are you sure you're alright Hoykar?"

Hoykar straightened abruptly, a new odd look in his eyes. Were they… glistening?

"Oh, I'm quite fine Kureel. Thank you so much for your concern." Turning on his heel, Hoykar sped out of the chamber.

…

"What just happened?"

"Iuhnuh."

* * *

'_**Stupid, stupid, STUPID!'**_

Hoykar slammed his head against a conveniently placed wall. Gone were the much cursed pants, unashamedly murdered via fire. 'What was I thinking?!' he pushed away from the wall, furiously wiping tears from his eyes. 'Dolling up and coming up to him like some… human rent-boy!' he plopped to the ground, sniffling. 'Just a jackdaw in peacock feathers, that's all I am. As though he would ever like me like _that_.'

"Well if it isn't that little romancer!"

The Mountain Idiot (alias Eresir) giggled drunkenly, oblivious to the rage radiating off his (self-proclaimed) pupil-of-loooove.

"Hoykar! How did it go?!"

Eresir swayed dizzily, a small belch barely missing the cold face of Hoykar.

Moments later Hoykar felt slightly better. Eresir's nose made a _very_ satisfying sound as his fist rammed into it.

* * *

Voll glided into the healing-chamber, humming cheerfully to himself. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and he and Winnowill had a full day of uninterrupted together-time planned. Beaming he spun into the chamber. Everything was set, what could possibly go wr-

"Oh Voll! I'm so sorry love, I forgot to send to you. We'll have to postpone our little… ahem. There's been a slight… accident with some of the Chosen." an elegant white hand swept out to indicate a very pained looking Eresir, clutching his nose.

"O-oh." Voll blinked, struggling to hide his disappointment. "I… see. Well I'll… see you later… then." slowly, he turned and left.

Now what was he going to do with the blasted ice hawk-feather?


	2. Part: The second

"But why did he run off like that?! Why was he acting so odd, and _what_ by the Egg was with that… outfit?!"

Oroleed, his attention firmly fixed on the pretty lights coming through a nearby window, shrugged. "Elves under the age of ten-thousand are strange creatures Kureel. I really don't think we're supposed to be able to understand them."

"Oroleed you are _**not**_ helpful."

"Well existentialism is not my forte."

"How does that apply to what we're ta-"

"Heads up, dazed Lord!"

Both Chosen instantly pressed against a nearby wall, eyes widening as a downcast Lord Voll glided past them, apparently oblivious to all around him.

"What in the… what's wrong with him?"

The alerter sighed sympathetically, "Lady Winnowill was pulled away from their… ahem, special time."

Both Chosen winced, "Again?" Kureel shook his head, "That's happened every day for the past three moons! What was it this time?"

"Apparently Hoykar broke Eresir's nose."

…

"Who did what now?!"

The other Glider shrugged, then turned and headed away.

"Huh, straaaange happenings in Blue Mountain."

"Mmhmm."

Kureel turned back to his meditations, thoroughly convinced that the Mountain was going bug-mad. Suddenly, he froze, eyes wide. "Wait! Hold on one minute, let's think about this logically. Hoykar acting bizarre, wearing… leather pants… the way he ran off like that, Eresir's broken nose…" Kureel's eyes widened even further, his head quickly whipping around to look at his companion. "Oroleed! Have you deduced what I've deduced?!"

"Umm, I think so, Kureel, but what if the hawk won't wear the tights?"

Kureel stared at him for a long time, then his left eye began to twitch. "Oroleed, come closer please."

"Well alright by why-?"

#

A dreamy smile spread across Voll's face as he lay on their bed. He had done with moping about. Winnowill's duties as a healer were done and what he had set up far surpassed the previous set of plans. Flickering candles gave their chamber a delightfully romantic cast, everything was perfectly placed, and any minute now his lifemate would be entering, completely unsuspecting. This was certainly one of his finest plans ev-

Voll? I'm sorry love, there seems to be an epidemic of broken noses amidst the Chosen. It may be an hour or so before I can get free. See you then dear!

Alone in their chambers Voll's eyes widened in horror, knowing full well that any second the chocolate would begin to harden.


	3. Part: The third

Hoykar stared blankly out the window, a veritable storm-cloud of depression hovering over his head. He had been stupid enough to listen to Eresir, had promptly humiliated himself in front of his not-so-secret love and half the Mountain, and now knew that Kureel did not love him. Life, no longer had meaning.

"Hoykar! There you are!"

His heart leapt into his throat, fluttering like a terrified song-bird. He spun about, hope rising like the dawn sun within his soul.

And promptly fell out of the window-seat and into a heap on the floor.

"Um, are you-"

"_**Don't**__… even."_

This day, could _not_ get worse.

Fighting the red stain of humiliation (and losing, badly) he struggled to his feet. Kureel stood dead ahead, staring straight at him, looking slightly nervous. He cleared his throat, forcing himself to calm down and speak. "Yes Kureel? There was something you wanted?"

Kureel shifted, nodding sharply. "Ah, yes, yes there was. I figured out that something was wrong. I mean, well I figured out _what_ was wrong. …It was… kind of obvious that _something_ was wrong, I just didn't know what it was until a bit ago."

Hoykar stared at him, highly confused. When exactly did Kureel become… well, Oroleed-ish.

Shaking his head, Kureel coughed, "Well, the point is, I figured out what was troubling you. Love."

Time stilled around Hoykar, his heart fading away. It couldn't be… it had to be! He felt tears prickle behind his eyes, a smile blooming across his face. "Kureel, I-"

"I mean, I'm not sure who, but I'm happy for you! We always got the feeling that you like someone, and now you've started trying to get attention I'm sure he'll be over you in no time! Anyway, I just wanted to say congratulations!"

…

No. No he, he did not just… no.

The tears thickened, turning instantly from joy to sorrow. It couldn't… he couldn't… Hoykar choked softly.

"I hope everything goes well for you, and… Hoykar?"

Slowly, he looked up at Kureel's shocked face through tear blurred eyes. How could something hurt so much?! It felt, it felt like he was dying!

"Hoykar what's-"

_**-SMACK-**_

Kureel stared in shock, his cheek burning painfully.

Tears fell down Hoykar's face with reckless abandon, leaving dark circles on his clothes and the floor. "Kureel you…" a broken sob tore from his throat, "YOU IDIOT!"

Turning sharply, Hoykar sped from the room, leaving Kureel alone.

* * *

What… what… what…

Kureel's mind raced, stumbling over and over on that word, that feeling. He did not understand! Why had Hoykar…? He had worked it out so thoroughly! It had all made sense damn it, why had he-

His eyes widened. No. It, it wasn't possible. Hoykar couldn't… not him!

But his eyes had said it all. Hoykar was in love with _him_.


	4. Part: The last

"Hoykar please! Just let me AGH!"

A loud shattering echoed through one of the Mountain's many halls as an earthenware vase narrowly missed Kureel's head.

"_Damn it all Hoykar would you just stop for a minute!"  
_

"_**GO AWAY! I **_HATE_** YOU!"**_

Kureel pulled back quickly, narrowly saving himself from the indignity of running face-first into a closed door. Growling, he pounded his fist against the wooden surface, "Would you just listen already!"

The younger Chosen replied with a very cutting remark about Kureel's manhood, his mother, and a senile human.

"Hey now! There's no call for that!"

"_**BITE ME!"**_

"For Haken's sake Hoykar, you are _not_ handling this in a mature manner!"

Suddenly the door jerked open, and Kureel found himself staring into the red, tear-stained face of Hoykar.

"_**Mature?!"**_ the word came out in a strangled hiss, followed by a bitter laugh, _"What did you bloody expect from such a silly child."_

"I never called you a-"

"_**IT WAS IMPLIED!"**_

Kureel flinched back, heart wrenching as Hoykar turned away, fighting back sobs.

"Just go away Kureel. You've already made your feelings _quite_ clear."

The elder growled in frustration, "Those weren't my real feelings damn it. I thought-"

"Don't even!" Hoykar wheeled on him, eyes blazing pure rage, "_Don't. You. Dare_ pretend like you actually feel something. You've _never_ cared before,"

"I didn't know-!"

"You made it _very_ clear just a bit ago,"

"I thought you were after someone els-!"

"And it's not as if you had any positive response to my making myself look desirable!"

"Of course I didn't! I don't want you to look desirable I want you to look like you!"

…

"Oh hell."

Hoykar sniffled again; glaring at Kureel's horrified expression, "Thank you _so_ much."

"The-th-that's… th-th-that's … that's not what I… gah it came out wrong!"

"Please just go Kureel." He turned away, trembling, "I can't… it's obvious you don't care so let's not waste any more time on this."

Kureel pulled back, frustration emblazoned on his face "I care! More than you know."

"Please! You seemed just fine when you thought I was in love with someone else!"

"Well what was I supposed to say?! That I hated the idea with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns?!"

"Oh like that's true!"

"It is!"

"_Why?!"_

"_**Because, High Ones curse it Hoykar, I love you alright! I've bloody loved you for years, but how could I ever presume that someone like you could love someone like me! You want to hear it again? I love you!"**_

Hoykar could have been knocked over with a feather.

For what seemed like an eternity both stood still, staring at each other, Hoykar staring and Kureel panting. Finally, Hoykar spoke, his voice high and soft.

"Prove it."

Kureel stared at him for the longest time, then, a slow smile spread across his face. Slowly, he walked over, arms encircling Hoykar's waist. He leaned close, brushing his lips soothingly against the bruise on Hoykar's forehead.

The younger Chosen stared up at him, barely able to breathe as their eyes met.

A gentle hand brushed a stray lock of moon-gold hair from his face, the softness in his eyes draw Hoykar in. "I might just do that."

The younger Chosen felt his heart skip. Trembling, he closed his eyes and leaned in closer…

"Hoykar, Kureel! There you two are! We've been looking for you!"

Two sets of eyes flew open, disbelief and rage burning inside of them. They turned slowly, and began to move.

Reevol and Talno began to edge back slowly, suddenly realizing that the hall had gotten a great deal colder. "Um… bad time?"

* * *

The candlelight had died down to a bare glow, casting just enough light for Hoykar to see his lovemate –yesyes YES!- vaguely.

I don't understand though, Eresir swore that that outfit was attractive. And it wasn't that different from what everyone else wears when they want attention. Why didn't it work for you?

Kureel chuckled sleepily, Who wants everyone else? Always strutting around, so uncomfortable and self-conscious. Not like you. Always so happy and free, unbound by everyone else's rule and trends. Any day I'd rather a _real_, free bird in place of a caged creature so weighed down it can barely move. he caught Hoykar's lips in a tender, breath stealing kiss, My little Sparrow.

Hoykar purred happily, nestling deeper into Kureel's arms. None of his silly-little plans had ended half as well as this.

Safe, warm, and happy in the arms of the one they loved, Hoykar and Kureel drifted off to sleep.


	5. Epilogue

Winnowill stared in shock at Reevol and Talno. "Both of you?!"

The elder Chosen, still holding a blood cloth to his broken nose, nodded slightly. "Hoykar and Kureel have been a bit… testy, today."

"Winnowill! There you are I've been looking for-" Voll froze at the threshold, mouth agape.

Wincing, she shrugged her shoulders, "I'm sorry love. It seems…" she gestured towards the two Chosen. "I'm afraid we'll have to…" she trailed off, wincing.

Voll stood stock still, a tiny twitch springing to life in his left eye. Suddenly, his brow furrowed, steel reaching his face and eyes. "Drukk this."

"Voll wha- _**VOLL**_!"

Reevol and Talno stared in shock as their eternally calm and peaceful Lord swept his thunderstruck lifemate into the air, and over his shoulder. Further adding to the shock of all present, Voll turned on them with a fierce glare.

"_**Deal with it yourselves!" **_

As Voll set off towards their chambers, Winnowill (still slung over his shoulder) let a sly grin slip over her face. At long last Voll was approaching their relationship with some _force_. The Lady of Blue Mountain preened. In the long run, her plans always worked.


End file.
